{"id":1374,"date":"2017-05-10T10:06:04","date_gmt":"2017-05-10T17:06:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/b-spoke.net\/?p=1374"},"modified":"2026-06-29T22:00:29","modified_gmt":"2026-06-29T22:00:29","slug":"that-guy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thirdactmedia.com\/b-spoke\/2017\/05\/10\/that-guy\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I ‘That Guy’?"},"content":{"rendered":"
A Seven Minute Read<\/h6>\n

It was another difficult week with our client Erin; as usual, we wrapped with a stand-up \"people\"<\/a>briefing with my team, Erin\u2019s team, and the Director of Business Improvement. Even though we held a \u201cpre-meeting\u201d to coordinate, Erin pulled a Lovejoy<\/a>: Rather than using any generally-accepted methods to display progress, she conjured what she called a \u201cstoplight chart\u201d (that resembled nothing else ever used in recorded history called a \u201cstoplight chart\u201d) and proceeded to describe how she decided that, rather than using such tried-and-true project management processes as \u201cresourcing\u201d and \u201cscheduling\u201d, she was going to lead a 25 million dollar capital project using the principles of Lean \u2013 \u201cwhich, as you know,\u201d she said, \u201cis all about project communication.\u201d<\/h3>\n

While this should have left us as stunned as MSNBC anchors on election night, it was just more of the same with Erin. I won\u2019t say we had become callous to such dimwittedness, but it wasn\u2019t surprising. What we (including Erin\u2019s own employees) struggled with was, How do we manage a person like this?<\/h3>\n

My colleague and I were discussing this while driving back to the hotel. At a stoplight, a (presumably) homeless man crossed in front of us. It was August in the West \u2013 so the temperature was hovering around 110 degrees (all together now: \u201cbut it was a dry heat\u201d) and the sun was directly overhead. He was bundled up \u2013 in an oversized down-stuffed parka, scarf, stocking cap, and corduroys. He was dancing and singing along with an 80s-style boombox on his shoulder, which \u00a0did not appear to have any batteries, nor could we hear any music coming from it.<\/h3>\n

Trying to imagine how he could tolerate the heat, something dawned on me. This may sound na\u00efve, offensive, or psychologically unsound but\u2026 In his mind, perhaps he was<\/u> cold. He could clearly hear music that I could not. Maybe, when he looked across the park, he didn\u2019t see a greenfield, but one covered with snow; when he looked at us in our car, he could have been thinking, \u201cThose guys must be freezing in their short-sleeve shirts. And how can they hear each other talking over these sweet tunes I\u2019m cranking?\u201d<\/h3>\n

It was not just a matter of recognizing that someone has a different perspective than I, but rather he and I saw completely different realities. And, without resorting to dorm-room Philosophy student \u201cTwilight Zone\u201d fanfic, who\u2019s to say that his reality was crazy and I<\/u> was right?<\/h3>\n

I turned to my colleague and said, \u201cAm I That Guy? Am I looking through a completely different lens from everyone around me? Am I hearing things that simply aren\u2019t there? Am I dressed for the completely wrong season?\u201d I look at someone like Erin, drawing nonsensical conclusions from spurious data and calling it fact and think, \u201cWow, she is crazy.\u201d But who\u2019s to say that she\u2019s not driving home, thinking \u201c\u2019Gantt charts\u2019? \u2018Risk matrices\u2019? Man of Action or not, that guy needs professional help!\u201d<\/h3>\n

How do I know I\u2019m not That Guy?<\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t Be That Guy<\/h4>\n

\u201cThat Guy\u201d became our shorthand on subsequent projects. We would come out of meetings which had rotated 90 degrees in both pitch and yaw from their intent, and our first question would be: \u201cAm I That Guy?\u201d In other words, if the agenda was to discuss reorganizing the financial governance division, then the client spent 90 minutes debating ways to show appreciation for everyone\u2019s \u201ccourageousness\u201d, were we<\/em> the lunatics? Were we the ones dancing to music that wasn\u2019t there?<\/p>\n

\"\"Even in this age of \u201calternative facts\u201d, being That Guy and rejecting reality is career limiting. Best case, people think you are merely clueless; at worst, you implement decisions based on faulty information. Like anything else built on a shaky foundation, your judgment won\u2019t stand the test of time. It also shows a lack of alignment.<\/p>\n

Sometimes being the sole source of reason is necessary to prevent an entire organization from going over the edge. (Which is actually the opposite of being That Guy \u2013 the individual is the only one rooted in reality, and the group is delusional. The effect, though, is the same.)<\/p>\n

So how do you check if you are That Guy?<\/p>\n

It is surprisingly hard to do that \u2013 any improvement or change management team, by definition, is living (at least intellectually) in a world that doesn\u2019t exist yet. Your reality will<\/u> be different. And to check with fellow change agents is fruitless \u2013 everyone walked in with the same set of assumptions, drank from the same well, so how would any of us know if the others had gone Colonel Kurtz?<\/p>\n

Dealing with That Guy<\/h4>\n

If, one day, you suspect that you are working with That Guy, there are a few things you can do to manage the situation.<\/p>\n

It is natural to presume that if you only explain yourself, one more time, but. With. More. Pauses? For. Understanding? then That Guy will understand. It\u2019s the same principle as over-enunciating, loudly, to someone who doesn\u2019t speak English; in neither case does that work. There may be a rational explanation why that guy is That Guy, but repeating yourself won\u2019t solve anything.<\/p>\n

Presume the Best.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you go in thinking That Guy is reluctant, ignorant, (what did I call Erin? \u201cDimwit\u201d?), or just batshit crazy, you know who you will face? Someone who is loathsome, recalcitrant, or erratic. Part of that will simply be your perception, but part of it is because people tend to meet expectations. If you expect the worst, you will get it. Show up with the mindset that you are both professionals who want to accomplish something good. Keep telling yourself that, no matter how the other responds. Counterintuitively, this gives you more power in the conversation, because you can build<\/em> on a positive discussion.<\/p>\n

(Re)Confirm Your Objectives.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rather than repeating where you are, go back to the beginning. Peel all the way down to the initial conversations about what you (both) are trying to accomplish in the first place. Think in terms of results, not outputs \u2013 that is, talk about the \u201cwhy\u201d and not the \u201cwhat\u201d or the \u201chow\u201d. From there\u2026<\/p>\n

Highlight the Points of Agreement.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You may agree on ten percent, you may agree on 90 percent. Either way, make that visible. It is always easier to work with people we agree with; even if it\u2019s just a little bit, you have some common ground to build from. Look for ways to exploit the areas where you agree\u2013 if it is indeed only ten percent, how can you spread that to 15, or 20 percent? Every bit helps.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Boil the Disagreements Down to Their Essence.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Do you agree on objectives, but not how to achieve them? That\u2019s a different conversation than not agreeing on objectives. Likewise, agreeing on deliverables, but not how to measure success, is a different level. Understanding the impact and priority of where you differ goes a long way to resolution. If you agree on the big picture, but not about the small, annoying bits? Let it go.<\/p>\n

Find Out How They Came to Their Assumptions.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Simply, ask. Ask open-ended questions, \u201cHow do you think we can accomplish this?\u201d, \u201cWhy do you say that?\u201d, \u00a0\u201cWhat makes you feel that way?\u201d. Listen, truly listen, to the answers, and ask follow-up questions. Check your tone of voice<\/em>. If you are Presuming the Best, it becomes clear that you are honestly seeking to clarify and understand; it can be all too easy to sound arch and condescending if you are not careful.<\/p>\n

State Your Position.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let the other side explain first; you may find more places of agreement than you thought, and you can add those to the \u201cW\u201d column before ever having to say a word. If you still need to explain an area of divergence, simply state it<\/em>, e.g., \u201cHere\u2019s how I interpret the data\u2026\u201d. There are times to be Socratic, and to use leading questions to get someone else to an \u201ca-ha!\u201d moment; this is not one of those times. No matter how you phrase it, what That Guy will hear is, \u201cWhy can\u2019t you just agree with me?\u201d This, too, comes from Presume the Best.<\/p>\n

When stating your position, state what you believe and why, not<\/u> what you assume they believe and why it is wrong. Do not think of this as a \u201cdefense\u201d, or you will come across as defensive; think of this as continuing the understanding between the two of you. Presume the Best.<\/p>\n

Are You That Guy?<\/h4>\n

The steps above for dealing with That Guy are also the steps for discovering if, in fact, you<\/u> are That Guy. Be prepared to discover that, somewhere along the way, you took off on the wrong track. If that\u2019s the case, while it may be a little embarrassing, you have at least given yourself the ability to re-align.<\/p>\n

In having these conversations with Erin, we discovered all the points of agreement and turned her loose. The significant areas of disagreement, we were able to delegate to others. (It was like one of those shopping carts shaped like a race car – she sat in front, twisting a do-nothing steering wheel and felt like she was driving the whole thing; the grown-ups – her employees – pushed her where she needed to go, and away from where she didn’t belong.)<\/p>\n

Ultimately it doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019re That Guy or the person you\u2019re dealing with is That Guy; to succeed, you both need to find \u201creality\u201d. Doing that requires putting yourself in a mature headspace, and having some difficult conversations.<\/p>\n

None of this is foolproof, of course. What you get, though, is a broader understanding \u2013 of where the successes are, and clarity of where the pitfalls may be. You have demonstrated that you genuinely want a rational, professional solution, and you have done so in a way that enhances your credibility.<\/p>\n

You will never change the person, but you can change the landscape and open a positive dialogue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are going to be times when you think, \u201cAm I absolutely off my rocker? Or is everyone else?\u201d<\/p>\n

Your options are to absolutely lose your cool, or to find a common perspective. Here are some tips for the latter.
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